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January 3, 2006
My Dear Brothers And Sisters In Christ:
I am excited to announce that we of the South Freeburg Southern Baptist Church have been selected for a Federal study on the feasibility of Faith-Based Energy.
We all know it is in the country's best interests to move away from fossil fuels and toward renewable domestic sources of energy: solar, wind, biomass, hydropower, and geothermal. Christians must show ourselves leading the way as good stewards of the Earth, especially since the pastor of that North Freeburg Southern Baptist Church is gallivanting around the town in his Hummer and running the air conditioner from May to October.
Ours is the most powerful prong of the test, but you should know that two other churches in town will also participate (and I'd like to note that the North Freeburg church will not.) The Freewill Baptists will experiment with hydropower, and the Catholic Church will celebrate a weekly bioMass.
When the Department of Energy spoke to me last winter, they proposed collecting the fusion energy from the many denominations of Christian churches as they brought people together. Fusion is "a nuclear reaction in which nuclei combine to form more massive nuclei, with the simultaneous release of substantial amounts of energy." Fusion energy powers the sun – just think of that! But when test run with a fusion reactor at the Western Springfield United Methodist Church only generated enough juice to power the pastor's iPod, they scrapped any new experiments in fusion.
Instead, the DOE will be on hand this Thursday to install a fission reactor. I'm not sure how it works, but they said fission is "the energy released when an atomic nucleus or a church body splits into fragments." And churches split more than Baptist churches, I'm proud to say!
They've asked me to prime the reactor by preaching on Ephesians 5:22 next Sunday, so I've got three versions of the Bible open and my pencils sharpened. Bring your wives, and let our light so shine before those folks who went to North Freeburg.
I look forward to seeing everyone next Sunday, so make sure to tell your "friends" who may have gone to that North Freeburg church, and let's show them how His power made perfect!
Sincerely,
Rev. Jules Watt
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